Meeting Point- The Ex Boyfriend

One of the biggest nightmares one could face is the moment you run into an ex. Even though life isn’t a romantic comedy where everyone always has the perfect hair and the best dialogue for that dreadful moment, there are ways to leave the impression you desire. Being the desirable and independent woman, who doesn’t need him.

If it is possible, go prepared.

If you haven’t seen your ex in over a year and suddenly you are both invited to the wedding of a mutual friend, it is natural to want to look as sexy as ever (even if the break-up was a mutual agreement). You shall go out and buy a little Black dress just for the occasion; not for him, for your confidence (ok, and his reaction when he sees you).

Don’t remember the past.

By making a list titled “things we could talk about” sounds a bit pathetic, but it is better than running into him unprepared. So, have a back-up script ready, especially to avoid reminiscing about your common past and to things you’ve done together.

Have Confidence.

The last thing you want to show him is that you are a mess from the moment you split up and nothing good has occurred in your miserable life. Think off all the positives that have taken place since, and summarize them in a brief monologue, if he asks how things are going. Obviously it is ok to exaggerate a bit.

Remember why you broke up.

Your memory plays games, and it’s a fact that we have the tendency to remember the good times and overlook negative situations. Thus, when seeing him after a period of time, you may begin to think you want that person back. The first thing to do is remember the reason of your separation and immediately ask yourselves if that individual has changed enough to overlook the reason.

Don’t mention your new Boyfriend.

If you were the one to break things off, you are in a way in a more dynamic position. Avoid mentioning your new person even if your ex asks. Play it cool and indifferent without giving a straight answer. Though, if they broke it off with you, again there is no need to talk enthusiastically about your new partner; that makes one look desperate trying to be the top dog. Just state that things are going well and immediately change the subject.

Don’t over drink.

You may feel that you are over them, that you are on top of your game and that that glass of wine will help sooth your nerves and help you go even higher. Though there is always another possibility, of you either loosing all your cool or even worse waking up next to them once again.

Don’t have sex with him.

Even if he states he is leaving the country, or from this planet, don’t give in to temptation...not even for a final goodbye. You will be the ones dragging yourselves once more to get over him all over again.

Show your positive self.

It may be the case that in your little world the glass is not just half empty, it is drained and broken. However, now you are called to play the part of the girl who changed her ways. Wear your sweetest smile and say a positive mantra to yourself of how “everything is going to go well, I can do it”. Now enjoy the surprise painted on his face.

Don’t forget his negative features.

The fact that you are faced with a stylish and seductive man does not mean his ways have improved. He may still be the one who never took the trash out or flirted with your friends. Focus on all the bad moments and they will help you realize that you are better with out him.

Be your own cheerleader.

So you’ve survived the dreadful meeting and you now feel even after all this you still want to meet up, STOP. Before giving in, remember all the good things that you have accomplished on your own and all positives that have happened to you without him by your side. Just think that you truly don’t need him And if all else fails you could always send that text another time, when you wont be so overwhelmed and things will be much more clear.

What Women Want

How women choose a male companion is not only about having a type, in the essence of blond with blue eyes; instinct, deeper need, even the relationship they have with themselves can play an important role. But who are these men, women most commonly prefer?

The good looking guy:

Studies have shown that 30% of women prefer a companion with objectively good looks. Science agrees that looks are one of the main components of attraction, at least in the beginning, when the two are still getting to know one another. Thus for some women good looks equals’ good quality. On a subconscious level these links create the illusion of more substantial characteristics; that these men are automatically friendlier, interesting, sensitive, and smart.

The successful guy:

A successful man, either economically or professionally, can provide some stability that many insecure women have a need for. Though only 10% of women prefer men with professional success and the rest prefer economic success.

The good guy:

According to the University of Bristol, a man’s character is one of the most important elements for attraction to take place. Characteristics such as empathy, sensitivity and devotion seem to be what women appreciate more.

What do women notice?

40% the face: emphasis on eyes and lips while few look at the hair

59% the body: what does a big impact is height (does not mean it is a determining factor)

Why do some people hate being single?

This is a question that has been circling my mind for years.

I have this friend who is always in a relationship. Never have I known her and was she single. When I first met her she was in a relationship with this guy who was horrible to her; so much negativity and mental abuse. Instead of breaking up with him she continued the relationship until she found someone else. Then she continued that relationship until she found another guy and now, she is juggling two relationships until she finds the courage to leave the first guy and continue relations with the second. First of all her anxiety must be off the charts, I don’t know how she does it.

I once asked her why, why she put herself through all this. In the beginning she tried to find excuses by saying that it was all coincidence and she wasn’t actually doing something. But when the conversation deepend it was evident she had no answer, she hadn’t realised the pattern.

After some time, I met this lady whom hadn’t the luck of finding a male companion thus whenever someone was interested she accepted immediately. Even though she did admit to not having any feelings to most of them, it was evident that the attention made her feel good. When I asked why she wouldn’t stop, she would always find excuses and start saying that maybe she was feeling a connection, but she didn’t know. 

These two situations have a lot in common when analyzing on a deeper level. Their low self-esteem made these women seek acceptance wherever possible. They are both insecure.

The first woman could never let anyone go before the assurance that someone else is there for her, no matter how bad things were. The second never had anybody, thus the need for acceptance drove her to accept anyone interested.

People, like these two women, define themselves in terms of how others see them. They fail to see there own inner beauty. The more others like them, the more value they believe they have.

Someone should make them realize that they are worth so much more. They should realize that firstly they should fall in love with themselves and then the right person will fall in love with them. They should look at the people that are in their life that truly care about them and cut off anybody who doesn’t. By keeping the wrong person by their side they might miss the right one.

Quantity is not quality.

Or it could just be daddy issues.

Summer dating tips for people who are newly single

No matter the reason of a relationship coming to an end, inevitably everyone requires a mourning period. It is the period where each of us searches to find ourselves once again, while attempting to give closure to a chapter of our lives. No matter the process, and as all romantic comedies promise, summer is always the ideal season to go on that enlightening journey.

Jumping back into this crazy scene can be very scary, but one must always keep in mind that the anything worth while always takes work. There is so much that dating can offer you; only the excitement of the possibilities out there should be enough to motivate you. And being rusty because you’ve been out of the game for a long time is not an excuse; human interaction has always been the same and the laws of relationships pretty much haven’t changed since the 60’s.

Firstly, be sure that you have worked out in your mind all that went wrong in your previous relationship. Baggage can be most deadly and counter productive. Even if a relationship is not what one seeks, it can prevent you from living spectacular moments with other individuals.  Such baggage is what creates generalizations, such as ‘men are cheaters’ or ‘women are manipulative’.  Imagine meeting the most promising individual and you are unable to proceed only because you predisposed yourself into thinking negatively, yes, you missed the person of your dreams.

Secondly, do whatever necessary to feel like a sexual being. If you’re a woman, wax, do your hair and make-up, wear sexy lingerie. If you’re a man, shave, get a hair cut. Listen to music that motivates you, feel empowered. Remember, sexuality is in attitude. Think it, Feel it, Be it!

Now, you are mentally and physically ready to meet some people. Take your close friends and go out. But it is crucial to go to places where mingling is possible. The movies, for instance will not do. A bar, café, nightclub are one way to go but there are so many possibilities. For instance, you can join a gym where you are sure to meet healthy individuals, or you can sign up for a class. Meeting someone with the same interests also provides you a good basis for conversation.

The great thing of starting to date in the summer is the beach. The beach offers a great amount of possibility. Play beach volleyball or go sit in the bar and enjoy a cocktail. Under the sun on a great day almost everybody is in a good mood, making the dating scene so fun and fresh.

Key is to not be scared of rejection, just do it. If you see someone who you want to go out with, just ask them out to dinner, or for a cup of coffee. The best way to think of it is, that maybe they too are scared; if we all gave into our fears, we would all be single. The worst thing that can happen is someone saying no and you continue your epic journey of meeting new and exciting people.